Mrs. Clark has a dark secret: she actually consumes about 25 pounds of food daily. The reason why no one knows this is because she has large stashes of candy and junk food hidden, especially in the chemical storage space. It has recently come to our attention through a concerned friend of Mrs. Clark’s, Mrs. Rohr. She first noticed the junk food stashes when she found that a dangerous acid she had placed in the hood earlier was contaminated by pork rinds.
“I was shocked to see a chemistry teacher be so careless. I realized she was not herself; she was driven by an insane desire for food.”
The students have noticed these unhealthy tendencies as well. Junior whiz kid, Katie Goodge guiltily explains, “After watching Mrs. Clark inhale a large Kentucky Fried Chicken bucket each chemistry period, I got cravings for fast food every day. Now I can’t go past a fast food joint without buying three bags worth of food.”
Mr. Fetchik insists, “Mrs. Clark needs to become a better role model for her students. Making a healthy change will inspire the whole school.”
However, the real wakeup call came when her daughter, junior Natalie Clark urged her to change. Despite running frequent marathons and participating in the intense P90X program, Mrs. Clark is still obscenely overweight.
“My mom has been struggling with her weight for many years now,” Natalie sadly explains, “She is so obsessed with eating, she barely notices me. I just really want my mom back.”
Something had to be done! With the help of her daughter, the school has nominated Mrs. Clark to be a contestant on the NBC show, The Biggest Loser, compiling her audition video without her for a pleasant surprise.” In this video, they showed her many hiding places for food. The crowning moment was when the traditional refrigerator revelation was filmed. Let’s just say the healthiest foods in Mrs. Clark’s fridge were pudding cups and a leftover large “everything” pizza, which she claimed were sources of calcium.
When Jillian Michaels, the main trainer on “Biggest Loser”, saw this desperate cry for help, she explained, “She was the worst case we have ever seen. As soon as we saw this disturbing video, we knew we had to help her change.” Michaels usually has a connection with her contestants and audience because she herself once battled with her weight. “This time, I don’t know if I’ll be able to relate though,” Michaels said apprehensively.
In the midst of this all, Mrs. Clark herself is also apprehensive. “I don’t think any marathon could prepare me for what I’m about to go through. I can only make myself feel better by doubling the amount of chemistry homework for my students,” the teacher replies. I know that my food hoarding must stop and I must fulfill my duties as a role model to the students of this school. Soon I hope to become the new mascot of Chardon, replacing the scary man in lederhosen.”
Despite her hardships, Mrs. Clark looks forward to the future, saying, “I can’t wait to be able to walk around the classroom without getting out of breath.”